The Club Cricket Conference Yearbook 2020

- 16 - latter might still have a certain amount of sanitizer on them. This will take place after 20 and 30 overs in a 40 over game. 33. The scorers will also sanitise their pens, pencils, crayons, rubbers and laptops after 10 overs. 34. In the event of rain all players, batting and fielding will return to their cars. The scorers will get soaking wet as they are miles from anywhere and the Umpires will be like coiled springs watching the weather from their cars. 35. If they decide play is possible players will take the field wearing sanitised gloves. Play will continue for 40 overs with breaks after 10 overs. 36. In the event of an opposition player scoring a 50 or 100, which is likely, when we bowl, do not shake their hands or slap them on the back; ‘lucky bastard’ should be used instead. 37. Each player must bring his own tea. Tea will be taken after 40 overs with each Team, Umpires, Scorers socially distancing. The Kent players will be segregated into Players and Gentlemen. The Gentlemen will not be allowed to have their fag serve them tea. Players will eat their cheese sandwiches and water, Gentlemen will have a three course meal and wine. 38. After 45 minutes the Umpires will call ‘Time’ and the opposition will take the field wearing sanitised gloves and boots. The opposition had a left arm over which lead to some confusion when the batsmen ran a two. Both were on the wrong side of the wicket and collided. They had to leave the field, completely sanitise themselves and return to the wicket when a wicket fell as they had been replaced by the next two in the order. 39. Play ended after 40 overs. Stumps, bails, circle markers were left for the groundsman to collect. Both teams formed a line facing one another six feet apart and gave each other the clap they richly deserved along with ‘well played’, ‘good game’, ‘lucky bastards’. 40. By this time it was 10.00pm, the bar was shut, showers not in use so the intrepid players sweating profusely, Umpires, Scorers got into their cars and drove home in pitch black vowing to return again next week as it had been so much fun. 41. The ECB directive for injured players had been made quite clear. If a fielder was injured with a broken finger, dislocated shoulder or other injury he was to self- administer first aid. If this was unsuccessful, he would leave the field, be replaced by a sanitised substitute, and go to hospital. 42. In the event of one of the opposition batsman collapsing at the crease the Home Captain will leave the field of play, collect his sanitised defibrillator lodged between the scorer’s knees for safe keeping (her knees having been duly sanitised),, and place said defibrillator six feet from the collapsed player. That player will then inch his was to the defibrillator, remove the pads, adjust them on his chest and hit the shock button. If this fails and he passes to the other side one of his team mates should phone for an ambulance. On arrival the sanitised ambulance men would take away the stricken hero on a sanitised stretcher. After a moment’s contemplation the game will resume with two new batsman at the crease.