The Club Cricket Conference Yearbook 2020

- 74 - Third Test These were dark days for the captain. He just wanted to be loved by everybody and told what a brilliant leader he was but nothing would go right for him. The ungrateful members of his team and the spectators kept disagreeing with him on every decision and so he came up with a new strategy of saying at the team talks that he was being very clear and nobody should be in any doubt as to what the new strategy was but that didn’t help as nobody could make out exactly what the strategy entailed since it contradicted what his colleagues were saying. To make matters worse the Panel of Senior Bowlers who he had set up as the Patsies who he could blame for his daft decisions started denying that he was following their advice. In an interview before the match it was pointed out that if he was really following advice of the Panel of Senior Bowlers he would have instructed his batsmen not too hit the ball in the air or to field too close at short leg. Because he couldn’t get anybody out he changed his game plan and instead of having all the fielders round the bat he announced that they should spread out. This, on the face of it, seemed simple enough but many of them had lost their throwing arms and so they hung around near the bat. For what seemed an eternity he had repeated his tedious mantra: “Stay in the Ring, Protect our Bowling Averages, Save Runs” but this no longer seemed appropriate to his changed strategy and so he cunningly introduced a new one “Keep awake, Cut off the run flow, No overthrows”, but even he had to admit that it lacked the pizzazz of the earlier one and nobody seemed to pick up on it. The captain talked to the club treasurer and they decided that it would be a popular move if he said that anyone who wanted to give it a try could come on to bowl and they would pay them for their efforts. Not surprisingly this went down well, and soon huge numbers of spectators were queuing up for their go. The Club Treasurer had long since given up trying to control his expenditure and decided that since it would be some future incumbent of his position that had to deal with it, he might just as well dish out as much as people wanted. The captain loved being in a position to make up the rules as he went along but he was finding it harder and harder to implement them without becoming unpopular. In particular, he wanted the fielders to spread out onto the outfield, but they kept congregating in big groups, particularly those from Leeds & Liverpool, the overseas players and those who liked the sandier spots. It was becoming increasingly clear that following his directives was optional but if he made an example of some then they would just point to his lack of action against the others. continued...